If you weren't already feeling sad, here is some more.

It was a dark day yesterday. Early in the morning someone said something to me in just the wrong tone and I felt it happen, like when your heart sinks to the pitt of your stomach, the grey clouds covered the sun. The sun was gone.

The day got progressively worse.  I got pulled into the office by my dance director and she informed me, very politely and lovingly, that I was gaining weight and that we needed to come up with a nutrition plan for me. SMACK!!! There it was. The final whack. I was finished. I was dead. I was a fat cow, fatty fat fatster. I should be put on the Biggest Looser. I didn't care anymore about anything. I was done. Too bad I still had a class I had to go to and it was in the middle of the afternoon.

So, what was my next move? I went to the store. I bought food (thanks to a tender mercy) according to the diet we discussed, and went home.

Yesterday ended just as rotten as it started. But...
Today feels better just like today's usually do.

My new Love

I have found a new love. His name is Philip Glass and I am in love with his music. There is something about the minor chords he uses that just speak to me. Eveytime any of his music come on to pandora I find myself choreographing such beautiful dance pieces. Its wonderful. Check it out!

" I have a right to be heard, I have a voice" -King George VI (The Kings Speech)

Aren't we all just the product of our own life's experiences anyways. Don't our correct choices just reflect our learning and growth that has come from making choices over and over. And some how we all seem to be able to relate to one another. Even though each experience is different and personal to each individual, somehow we can always find a way to connect to each other.

Maybe we aren't so different from each other. Maybe just by being on this earth together means that we are going to have to experience the same things, only they manifest themselves in different forms. We have all in one way or another gone off of that wonderful path. We all have experienced life from below, from heart ache, from confusion. We have all doubted, made choices that reflect our doubts, and found ourself just a little further from where we intended to go.

Aren't we here to help others through our own experiences. Aren't we here on this earth to experience life the way that we choose to and then when needed help others, or watch as they experience what they need to experience in order to become the person they need to be.

There were many times in my life where I had wished that my mother had chosen the path for me instead of let me choose. I remember asking her to tell me what to do in various situations wether it was choosing a major, a dance partner, or a relationship. But in the end she always allowed me to make my own decisions with the experience that I had.

I am grateful that in those moments when I wanted her to choose for me she refused. She let me grow, she helped me understand how to own my own life. Sometimes the decisions I make aren't understood by everyone. Sometimes it is hard for people to see for example why I only dance with one dance partner instead of having many. And sometimes its hard for people to understand why I am okay with their confusion.

We are here on this earth to make our own choices. We are here to experience our own life in the way that we choose to experience it. With divine guidance, we are here to succeed with a pocket full of valuable experiences that lead us to the best life we can have.

When we decide to have a voice and let that voice be heard and owned, we find that our voice is real, smart, and intelligent. We find that we wished we had listened to our voice a long time ago. We find that our voice is that same voice that has been speaking truth to our hearts our whole life. We learn to trust that voice.

Reminisce: indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.

I like to reminisce sometimes. I like to look through old photos, noting how skinny I used to be. I like to read old journal entries, remember some of the hardest times in my life and how I got through them. I like reliving old memories.

 I like getting so caught up in the past that I actually travel back in time and smell the metro or taste the acai bowl. I like remembering friendships I had. I like looking at those people now and seeing what changes they have made, or sometimes haven't made. I like living in my past.

Then someone interrupts me. They walk in, ask me a question, or nudge me as they walk by. And my thoughts are back to what is in front of me. I come to the realization that I loved my past. I find myself wishing that I could go back, play games all night with my friends, walk up and down the markets, and eat crepes outside the Notre-Dame cathedral.

I find myself holding on to the past so hard that it breaks my heart when I have to let go and move on to something that can be and is also just a great. I have a hard time with change.

Friday night I sold one of my ballroom dresses. I cried. I felt like I was giving away three years of hard work, memories, and beauty. I had danced in the British Championship Competition in England in this dress. As I gave the dress to its new owner I had to feel the satin in my hands, take a picture of it in my head, and then allow my heart to let it become someone else's perfect dress and a part of their picture book.

Remember this?

Good times.....good times...