1/2 + 1/2 = One whole

I haven't written in a while. Not because nothing has happened in my life, but because i'm not sure what to write about. Because i'm married now life is a little different. And by a little I mean a lot. The usual boy/dating drama is gone as well as any weird roommate stories. Now I have one roommate, for forever, and even though living with him isn't always filled with sunny days and skipping through the flowers, I have nothing to complain about.

I spent years writing in this blog as a single girl, thus my perspective was always from this point of view. Any insights I had were from years of being single and hiking my way through my single, independent life. Now who am I?

I am a wife. I am a "me" within a "we". Does that make me a half of a whole? Am I only half a person now that I am married? Does being married mean that the person I have spent 23 years creating can no longer be a part of me? Can I only be half of that person? Can that strong, insightful, independent, experienced girl still exist? Do I have insightful thoughts on life and how to live it to its fullest? Can I still be me while having a he? What role do I play in this world now that I am forever connected to another being?

Being a half of a person doesn't feel like me and it doesn't feel like how I want to spend the rest of my life. So how do I maintain the person that I have worked so hard to be, while working on being the wife that I want to be?

One of my English teachers, a couple semesters ago, explained to me that in order to notice, engage, and connect to the people around us we have to be at one with ourselves, or be whole. We have to be whole with our past, present, and future. And only after we find this wholeness, can we strengthen and maintain those important relationships. I think this is a process. Not just for me now that I am married, but for everyone. What do I need to do to love myself and become a whole person so that I can fully enjoy and invest in the relationships around me?

Being my whole self everyday takes work and concentration but in the end I'd rather give someone my whole self than a half.